Reflections From a Bossy Know-It-All

Exercising your spiritual gifts is not a matter of you deciding what is most useful or needed. It is a matter of humble obedience to our God who created you, who saved you, and who empowers you with the Spirit to “Go, therefore, and make disciples.”

At an early age, it became obvious that I was a leader. As far back as the children’s Christmas program at church, I put myself in charge. I was a self-appointed choir director, teacher, and overall boss-lady at the ripe old age of 3. I was no doubt the most qualified for the job. Similarly, as soon as I was old enough to be in a classroom, I wanted to be the teacher. I was a 4 year old preschool student, and I wanted nothing more than to be the teacher, in the front of the room imparting knowledge on my fellow students. I loved to learn, and I could not help but tell others about all the things I was learning. 

As I grew up, I continued to lead in whatever group I was in – sports teams, church groups, school clubs, etc., and I never lost that desire to teach others all of the things I was learning. Some may call it being a know-it-all, but we do not need to quibble over terminology at this point. Even as a young child, there was within me an innate desire and drive to lead and teach others. 

I became a Christian at the age of 8, but it was not until I was 16 that my faith became my own. I understood the gospel and surrendered to Christ as a young child, but it wasn’t until a crisis of faith as a teenager that I fully surrendered to His lordship over my life. Soon after, I sensed a call to vocational ministry. As a young woman from a conservative church background, I had no idea what that meant. I knew I was not called to pastor a church, and I had no desire to do children’s ministry. But I could not shake it. I knew without a doubt that God was calling me to work in vocational ministry. Still unclear on what that should look like, I attended a small Baptist college, where I earned a Biblical Studies degree. I was so eager to learn more. My eyes were opened to the depth and width of in-depth biblical study and theological education. I could not keep my mouth shut. It was like I was the 4 year old in the preschool classroom again. Everything I was learning had to be shared! It had to be taught to others. Wouldn’t everyone be as passionate as me about Systematic Theology if they only knew more about it? At that point in life, I would have never called myself a teacher, but I couldn’t help but to teach, even when those around desperately wanted me to stop.

I quickly learned that while so many in my life encouraged me and empowered me, my voice was not welcomed by some. I never lost the burden or desire to teach the Word, but I began to live in fear. Fear of my own motivations. Fear that I was not smart enough to take on this task. Fear that if a brother overheard me teaching that I would be sinning. Fear that I was too much, that there was no place for me as a leader and a teacher in the church. Fear that God got it wrong when He made me and gifted me. Looking back at myself as a younger woman, I was living in the belief that although I wanted the gospel preached and the lost saved, God could not use me to do this work. I wasted so much energy and focus on trying to make myself smaller. I served in ways that I was not good at or passionate about, because those were the roles in which I saw other women serving in the church. 

At the tender age of 21, I graduated college, fully burned out. I was running myself into the ground, striving to fit an imaginary mold that I believed was required for faithful service to the Lord. The desire to lead never disappeared. The love of knowledge and teaching never diminished, but I walked through each day deeply bound by selfish pride and disobedience. There was no possible way that God was calling me to lead and teach within the Church. Period. 

But praise be to God! He is so very kind and patient with His children, even this bossy know-it-all. Over the next few years, God provided so much healing and growth. God speaks to us through His people, and He put leaders around me who identified and called out the gifting they saw in me, discipled me, and challenged me to grow.  He gave me opportunities and experiences to confirm the gifts he gave me, and to humble me to see those that I do not possess. He allowed me to work and serve in roles that were not the right fit, so that I could learn what I do not love and what I do not excel in. He placed me in roles that have helped me better understand myself and the ministry He calls me to do each day. He blesses me immensely with incredible opportunities to see Him working and to participate in that work. 

Now, in my work at my local church and in the non-profit organization I work with, God graciously allows me to use the gifts he gave me to serve Him and build up His church. I no longer live in fear. My confidence is not in myself or my abilities, but in Christ who saved me. I cannot point to a specific event or instance that caused me to suddenly grow in confidence. Rather, as time passes, I am ever more sure of my need and dependence on Christ. It is a day-by-day, moment-by-moment surrender to the Lord. It is looking to the Word and to the work of God in my own life and being reminded of His faithfulness. 

I know that I can fully trust the Lord, because He is holy, faithful, and eternally trustworthy. No matter the job title, responsibilities, or daily work God puts before me, I pray for the strength and humility required to do it faithfully and obediently. My deepest desire is to hear my Father say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” 

We are not equipped for or expected to carry the load of the Great Commission alone. God fills all believers with His Holy Spirit, and He brings us into His family. We are individual parts of the body of Christ (1 Cor. 12:12-31), all working together. “But as it is, God has arranged each one of the parts in the body just as He wanted” (1 Cor. 12:18, CSB). This is incredibly comforting. All gifts from God are needed for the health of the body of Christ. He arranges each “part” exactly as He wants. Exercising your spiritual gifts is not a matter of you deciding what is most useful or needed. It is a matter of humble obedience to our God who created you, who saved you, and who empowers you with the Spirit to “Go, therefore, and make disciples” (Matt. 28:19).

Looking back over years of being the “bossy” one and the “know-it-all,” I see God’s hand in it all. He transformed my gifts of leadership and teaching into something beyond what I could have imagined. God continues to sanctify me. I am far from perfect, and I will always experience failure until I am in heaven. But I can praise God for the years of humbling me and refining me, and I look to the future with excitement and expectancy. I can honestly say, maybe for the first time in my life, that I am confident in who God made me to be and the work He has set before me. I must only trust Him with it. I continually pray for deep trust in my Father, a heart of humility, and open hands. This is not my work, but His. May I do it faithfully.