Hello friends. It’s been a while. It feels great to be writing again. The last post I published was written over a month ago. Since then, I’ve been feeling stuck – frustrated – overwhelmed – angry – insert literally any negative emotion here.
At the beginning of the pandemic, when everyone was ordered to shelter in place, I was thriving. Yes, I was thriving. At that moment, the overwhelming and neck-breaking pace of my life halted. For the first time, I was able to truly rest. I don’t mean spending copious amounts of time watching Netflix or napping half of each day away. I mean spiritual, mental, and emotional rest. The jam-packed calendar that dictated my every move suddenly emptied and lost its power over me. I felt amazing all around. I was able to spend more time in the Word and in prayer everyday. Exercising became my mental outlet at the end of each day. I was a cleaning MACHINE. My house was literally spotless, and I was loving every minute of it. Those first 2 months of isolation felt like a desperately needed reprieve, a refreshing of my soul, a lifting of the weight of the world off my shoulders.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago… fatigue set in – hard and fast. With it came fear, anger and sadness. I found myself consumed by news and social media, more attached and addicted to my phone than ever before. At the same time, I was spiraling and feeling a loss of control that I can’t adequately explain. Instead of feeling refreshed and rejuvenated by all of my time at home, I started feeling caged, like I was drowning. I stopped opening my Bible. I became numb. I am a process-driven, logical thinker, and my brain couldn’t make sense out of the chaos going on around me.
But my God is faithful. A few days ago I was finally able to meet up with a friend and sister in the faith whose words of encouragement were a salve to my confused brain and hurting heart. As quickly as it took over me, that dark hopelessness was replaced by a breathtaking sense of peace. Through conversations with my friend, the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness. It never changes. We don’t have to earn it by checking off the “Bible reading” box on our to-do list or by being “good” enough. We can’t earn it. In fact, there is nothing I (or you) can do or fail to do that will change God’s love and faithfulness.
I sat down countless times over the last month to write, but no words would come to me. As he brought me out of the fog, God helped me understand why, which reminded me why I was led to writing in the first place. As long as I can remember, journaling has been a go-to outlet for me. I love to write. It’s such a life-giving exercise for me, to get thoughts from my brain onto paper. I especially enjoy writing about who God is and truths we see in His Word. I get excited as I learn from Him, and I want to share what I’m learning.
During this season of stillness and isolation, God continues to show me what my priorities actually are and what about them needs to change. One thing I felt an urgency to begin doing was to share what I was writing on this platform. Yes, sharing my heart and being vulnerable is scary. My hands still shake at the thought of clicking “Publish” on everything I post. When I remember why I do this, though, that fear doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want to write to gain followers. I don’t want to be consumed by how many clicks, likes, shares, comments each post gets. The Holy Spirit gives every follower of Christ at least one (if not many) gifts that are meant to edify and build up the church. For me, one gift I have is teaching, and this is one way God allows me to use that gift. What I quickly forgot during the past month, though, is that no one is here for my words. Things that come from Emily are not edifying or helpful. Only through the Spirit can my gifts be worked out according to His purpose. My purpose in creating this blog is to be a light in the darkness, a place of rest and encouragement among the confusion and noise of the internet. My intention is to share with you what God is teaching me in my own life, share the truths He reveals in Scripture and share the love of Jesus with every word I type onto the page.
Today I am reminded of the faithfulness of my God. He is Healer, Bridegroom, LORD, Lawgiver… He keeps His promises. I am weak, but He is strong. I am small, but He is infinite. I am fickle, but He is steadfast. My heart is deceptive, but His is true. My love is conditional, but He welcomes the prodigal son/daughter – time and time again.In the midst of this chaotic life, the Lord provides an ever-present refuge from the storm. He is our source of true comfort and peace, no matter what is happening around us.
I’m excited to be back at it and able to share with you how God is teaching me to love Him more. There are exciting things ahead – stay tuned!